I try to keep quiet about things, but sometimes the pain and bitterness seeps out when I care and they may not. I care, if I didn’t I wouldn’t say a thing. Silence doesn’t say a thing. Am I really the bad person? Am I just supposed to let something go, let people off the hook, without them having any repercussions? I believe in no god and I certainly don’t believe in this Buddhist love everyone no matter what bullshit. That’s what people who accept defeat and inferiority preach.
I’m sad….I’m still very sad and I’m faking happy. I’m truthfully scared of getting close to anyone because I always end up hurt. Anyways, sorry if you read this shit. I know it’s sad, pathetic and depressive. I’m trying to fix myself the best I can. Now you’re gonna be going away and my biggest fear is I’ll never see you again. I may sound selfish, but I don’t fucking want that. No, not at all. You’re still dear to me even if you don’t care about me.
I miss you so much already…I miss your smile. I miss those eyes. I miss so many small things about you and the wierd part…I’ve never met you. Heh, I guess that doesn’t mean anything to you though even though they do me. I’ve always counted and noticed the little things.
I’ll always be your fool. <3